I’m the wife of one of one of your former “customers”.

I don’t write this out of hate, I write it out of pity. For you, for him, for a sad situation. Maybe you won’t read it. Maybe you will, and your life will become magical. Who knows?

You could be a very beautiful woman. I’ve seen some of your pictures on the net because I wanted to see what he was “looking for”. But you are not beautiful, and it’s not even your small breasts – it’s your behavior that makes you that way. You make yourself cheap, and I have no idea why you have so little self-respect. You deserve so much better than that. You settle for less by allowing yourself to be peoples’ sex toy, rather than a real person. And you’re making yourself compete with others who have far better bodies and who offer pictures of them for free. Why do that to yourself? If you have children, do you want them to see those pictures? Do you think that will make them proud of their mother? (“Hey kindergarten classmates, my mom is a pornstar.” Yes, your kids would be ridiculed for this.) Your pictures are out there, and they will be forever. You can’t take them back, not even 40 years from now. Think about the future.

The only reason my husband ever looked at you, was the nights I turned him down. He preferred me over you. It’s not because I have a better body, or a prettier face. But because I provide him something so much better. Real intimate sex is always better than wacking off. Being loved and having an orgasm is always better than having to go it on your own. He sees that now. And I won’t debase myself by competing or sharing his attention. It’s not even a competition. You and I both deserve better.

He sold a $400 3D TV for $100 because I told him I didn’t want him keeping something that he used to look at you. In fact, he’s selling off everything he owns. Today, he bought me a brand new car (which I didn’t even ask for). He cries every day and he hates himself for looking at you. You’ve hurt him far more than you’ve hurt me. He feels like a complete shithead. So your $80.00 just about ruined someone’s life, and it wasn’t even mine. But you did a good thing. You turned him off to the porn industry forever. Even if I leave him, he’s not going back, he’s disgusted by it now. So I’m grateful to you for that.

See, he asked me out in junior high. He made up his mind back then that he wanted to marry me. 20 years later, he got his wish. I made him wait 20 years. Every girlfriend he had, was just a version of me and had to listen to him sing my praises. This man literally pined away for me and worshiped me for 20 years. Even you, he only paid because you reminded him of me only with less curves and without the beautiful three-color eyes that I have. (Yeah – worst compliment I’ve ever received). He cries every day, begs me to stay and basically has said anything I want, I will get. He knows that he’ll never get someone as good as me, even all his friends tell me that. And yes, I may leave him over this, and the wastage of money, and his drinking. Had he not been drunk and impotent, he could have come upstairs and had actual, really good sex. And I’ve never had a man “unsatisfied.” In the end, even your pictures didn’t do it for him because he realized how lousy a habit this is, and how “hollow”, and he lost interest. Ironic that you use the screen name “Athena”, who was the goddess of wisdom. She would never support someone throwing away their marriage for an illusion.

I hate porno, I think it’s gross and the mark of people with no class. I’m sorry but that’s what I think. I have corsets and costumes too, but they are more awesome because I don’t feel that I have to show off to the world. I’ve always been more selective about my “audience”. The thought of putting my picture out there and having some disgusting 60 year old man masturbating to it is just gross. So I’ve always reserved my “performance” for boyfriends who love me. If they don’t absolutely love me, I’m off limits. My body is more beautiful because people wish they could see it, I can tell by the way they look at me at the gym… but I don’t let them. The mystery is sexy. I don’t need men to masturbate to me to validate my self-worth and my beauty. And trust me, you don’t need that either. You really don’t. If your boyfriend/husband doesn’t make you feel like a complete goddess, you didn’t get someone worthy. The fact that you seek attention from so many others leads me to believe that somewhere at the core of your soul, is a woman who feels less than worthy. I’m sad about that. Reducing yourself to a pile of parts for others to use, is no better than visual prostitution. I fail to see how that is liberating, or how that boosts your confidence. I saw a couple pictures of you giving some man a blowjob… and let me tell you, if that guy isn’t willing to show his face, somewhere inside he’s ashamed. Why no pictures of him making you feel good? Doesn’t he care about you and your pleasure and put your needs first? I surely hope so. Every woman deserves this.

See, if I wanted to hurt my husband, I guess I could join you in what you do. I’m 112 pounds, I’ve got C/D-cup breasts, I’ve got costumes. I could post pictures of me just to shame him at the thought of other men enjoying the looks of his lovely wife. But no, I’m better than that. And somewhere inside, I think you are too. Why let people treat you as a whore and a pile of flesh, when you could be admired and respected for your WORK, and your creativity and programming skills. It’s a fruitless effort to try to be admired for your beauty. There are hundreds of women out there more beautiful than both of us. Why not instead, be remembered for our talents and our uniqueness… something which we alone possess.

I hate what my husband did. I’ve lost a lot of respect for him over this. I’m pretty disgusted at him, and he may have just lost the woman of his dreams over this. He will never get someone like me..not with his looks and his lack of confidence.. but I would have no problem replacing him with someone better. You, I just feel sorry for. I think you deserve better than to let people treat you that way. You are not making the world a better place by encouraging men to treat women like body parts. You’re impacting all of us. I hope you think about what your legacy to the world should be when you pass away. And I hope you dream of something better for yourself than being just a visual prostitute. Your body looks very childlike.. and you should know that things like that encourage pedophilia. They start with small women like you, and progress to children. So yes, you are contributing very indirectly to all the children out there that get raped by encouraging the perps. I know this. I worked for a police agency. I really believe you are better than that. Maybe it will take you years to figure that out. By then, your photos will still be circling around. And if your real name ever gets out there (and believe me, people can find this out), employers may not want to hire someone like you, so you’ll cheat yourself out of good paying jobs.

Again, if you had the guts to read this far, I don’t hate you. I’m not even angry at you. No, that anger is reserved for my husband for just about throwing away something he already had which is far better. I just tell you as a woman, you deserve better. Your body would be much more beautiful fully dressed, allowing people to wonder at the mysteries within. By displaying it, you’re just a woman with small breasts competing with women with larger ones. But with more clothes on, people could be attracted to your style and personality instead. Your uniqueness would be much more obvious and more precious… and much more cool than just another pile of parts. And if you really want to pursue this career, as a mother I ask you – please go and get breast implants so you’re not encouraging men to go for prepubescent females. I really mean that. Not to insult you, but to stop encouraging men to look at younger and younger women. This comes from someone who has seen the devastation of child molestation. I’m tired of seeing stepfathers molest their teenage stepdaughters. Pictures like yours are the ones that start them on this life-destroying path. Look a molested child in the eye and tell her you feel good about what you do. I bet you can’t do it. Again – this isn’t to insult you. I just hope you really think about the lives you’re helping to destroy. I can’t see how a few dollars in your pocket make it worthwhile. You deserve better, and so do your “customers”.

Best wishes to you, and may you find the better life that you so very badly deserve.


My response:

 1) I enjoy my job. Always have. Always will.

 2) Your husband, your problem – *NOT* mine. I don’t “steal” attention. Not my job to keep your husband interested in you, and if he turned to my porn, it sounds to me like you guys have a communication problem. Again. Not my fault that you two got together too young to understand that communication is of the utmost importance.

 3) How DARE you tell me my job is humiliating or debasing to myself. That’s MY decision as to whether it humiliates me, NOT yours. Don’t project your personal body and obvious sexual issues onto my life.

 4) My daughter knows that I take care of her, am able to provide for her, and get to be a stay at home mom. There is more to life than a 9-5, but I’m sorry that your life has been so disappointing that you can’t see past me getting naked for a living. Again – your hangup, not mine.

 5) I LOVE my body. I refuse to get implants. Absolutely, positively refuse. If you associate large breasts with being a woman, you are just as much of a misogynist as any man who says a woman was raped because she was asking for it. Learn to love yourself. I also certainly wouldn’t take the opinion of a woman who is so insecure of herself that she feels the need to personally attack someone’s build just because they have a shitty relationship with their husband.

 6) I am admired because of my attitude, my work ethic, my creativity, my personality, AND my body. I am very good friends with many people I’ve met through porn, as well as people I’ve met outside of it. I don’t hide who I am. I love who I am. I’m sorry that you are so hung up on such things that you personally can’t look past that, but yet again, that’s a “you” problem, not a “me” problem.

 So, in short – Sorry you and your husband can’t communicate like mature adults; that is in no way indicative of who I am as a person, and your “woe is me” letter isn’t going to affect what I do for a living.

 – Athena

BWAHAHHAHA. Seriously not my fault you and your husband have shitty communication skills, you are a misogynist, and your view of the world is so narrow that you can’t see beyond your own hatred and self-loathing.